APPLAUSE
Good evening. Good evening.
# Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
# Oh, yeah
# You had the sweetest boy in the world
# Without a doubt you were the envy of every girl
# But you're the kind that's never satisfied
# You want every boy to pass you by
# Now the hurt's on you Now the tables turned
# Now the hurt's on you
# Your little scheme backfired It's true
# Now the hurt's on you, yeah
# You thought it was smart to make the boys run
# You lost the sweetest boy that you had that time
# The sweetest boy that you had
# Cos now he's hangin' around my door
# More happier than before
# But you're the kind that's never satisfied
# You want every boy to pass you by
# Now the hurt's on you Now the hurt's on you
# Now the hurt's on you
# Your little scheme backfired It's true
# You made bets Any boy you could get
# You lost the sweetest boy that you had that time
# The sweetest boy that you had
# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
# Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
# Oh, yeah
# Yes, your loss is my gain
# Straight into my arms he came
# But you're the kind that's never satisfied
# You want every boy to pass you by
# Now the hurt's on you Now the hurt's on you
# Now the hurt's on you
# Your little scheme backfired It's true
# Now tears of regret have covered your face
# You lost the sweetest boy that you had that time
# The sweetest boy that you had
# The sweetest boy that you had that time
# The sweetest boy that you had, yeah
# Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
# Oh, yeah. #
APPLAUSE
Thank you.
Ooh, we've got a right load of swingers tonight.
Thank you very much.
Welcome once again, even though it is the last show.
I'd like to do a song now which is a complete change of tempo.
It's a thing recorded by one of my own favourite singers, Jack Jones,
who's very underrated, I think.
It's called To Love And Be Loved.
# To love and be loved
# That's what life's all about
# Keeps the stars coming out
# What makes a sad heart sing
# The birds takes wing
# To love and be loved
# That's what living is for
# Makes me love you the more
# The more we cling
# Let others race to the moon
# Through time and space to the moon
# My goal is greater than this
# To reach your lips
# To share your kiss
# # To stay in your arms
# That's the dream I pursue
# To be sheltered and safe from the storm
# To be cosy and ever so warm
# And to always be loved
# And be loved by you
# To be sheltered and safe from the storm
# To be cosy and ever so warm
# And to always to love
# And be loved
# By you. #
APPLAUSE
It's Julie Felix this time.
All right. This is a song...
Before I say this.
About two or three weeks ago I sang a song, I think, in Portuguese -
at least that's what they tell me - and as yet I haven't received
any naughty letters to say my accent was that bad.
So, tonight I'm going to attempt to sing a song in Spanish.
Or kind of. It's Cuban Spanish, that's what they tell me too.
It's a theme song from a film a little while ago called Anna.
What key's it in? Yes.
# Di di ring, di di ring
# Di di ring, di di ring, di di ring
# Di di ring, di di ring Di di ring
# Ya viene el negro zumbon
# Bailando alegre el baion
# Repica la zambomba
# Llama a la mujer
# Ya viene el negro zumbon
# Bailando alegre el baion
# Repica la zambomba
# Llama a la mujer
# Tengo gana de bailar el nuevo compas
# Hay quien todo cuando me ven pasar
# Chica, donde vas?
# Me voy a bailar
# El baion!
# Tengo gana de bailar el nuevo compas
# Hay quien todo cuando me ven pasar... #
Yee-ha!
# Chico, donde vas?
# Me voy a bailar
# El baion!
# Be be ring, di di ring, di di ring
# Ca ca ting, ca ca ting Ca ca ting
# La la ring, di di ring, di di ring
# Di di ring, di di ring Di di ring
# Ya viene el negro zumbon
# Bailando alegre el baion
# Repica la zambomba
# Llama a la mujer
# Ya viene el negro zumbon
# Bailando alegre el baion
# Repica la zambomba
# Llama a la mujer
# Tengo gana de bailar el nuevo compas
# Hay quien todos cuando me ven pasar
# Chica, donde vas?
# Me voy a bailar
# El baion!
# Tengo gana de bailar el nuevo compas
# Hay quien todos cuando me ven pasar
# Chica, donde vas?
# Me voy a bailar
# El baion
# El baion. #
APPLAUSE
I'm sorry I didn't take it too seriously...!
I would like very much now...
If my accent was bad, in fact, my guest tonight will be
really able to put me very right,
cos he's the very world-famous ventriloquist,
and it's a great personal pleasure to present Senor Wences.
APPLAUSE
JOHNNY HUMS
Very good. JOHNNY: OK?
OK, very good. Let me see your face once more.
Can you open your mouth?
Close. Good. Good. good.
Tell me, somebody told me you had cold last night? This morning.
This morning? Yes. Poor boy.
You don't feel very good? No.
What happened? Headache.
Headache? Yes. And your throat?
No good.
Let me see your throat. Please open your mouth, please.
I can't see very much. Can you open little more?
Little more.
No, too much, too much.
Open like me.
Yes.
Headache? Yes. Fever? Yes.
Fever?! Yes. Wait a second, please.
No fever? No. No. Show me your tongue.
All right.
I have one idea. Tell me. I will tell you.
You follow me? Yes. Listen to me.
Now I will try to... Why? Why?
I will tell you why.
And if you are very good boy... Good boy? Yes.
I will buy for you very nice... Ice cream?
Ice cream? Yes. Yes.
Do this for me.
SENOR WENCES SINGS NOTE
Strong.
JOHNNY SINGS NOTE
Beautiful. Nice? Nice.
You like? I like very much.
Do you remember your music? Everything. Everything?
Yes. Good.
Very nice music, eh? Very nice.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes.
LAUGHTER
Yes. Very nice.
Everybody knows very nice. Yes.
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
OK.
LAUGHTER
Very nice and very difficult, Johnny.
Easy. See? Yes. No.
No, very difficult music. Very easy.
I say very difficult.
Yes. Yes.
LAUGHTER
Johnny, say difficult. Difficult.
Louder. Difficult. Louder. Difficult.
Louder! Difficult!
Good.
Very difficult. For you. For me, very easy.
Boy...!
All right, don't worry about that.
I will give you something. And open your mouth.
And rest for a while, because I have many things to do.
Now? Yes, now.
Be nice, boy, please. OK.
Yes.
No, no. Take it easy.
I have plenty of time. That's good.
Are you ready, my friend?
MUFFLED VOICE REPLIES
Not yet. No, no, no.
Are you tired? No.
No? No. OK.
It's all right.
All right, that's good.
Would you like Pedro to sing with me?
No? Yes. Please. Yes.
You drink something today? No.
Give me your breath. Oof.
When you see me close or open the door... Yes?
..don't you mind. No. No.
That to get the effect. You follow me.
HE SINGS NOTE
PEDRO SINGS NOTE
Very good. Nice? Nice.
Very nice. Yes.
Be quiet, yes? Yes. Yes.
Don't interrupt me when I am talking, Johnny. OK.
You understand me? Yes.
I have something for you.
What is your first name? Cecilia.
LAUGHTER
Nice name, Cecilia.
And second name? Chicken.
This is Johnny.
How are you? Fine. You?
Fine. Thank you.
KNOCKS ON BOX
PEDRO GRUNTS
PEDRO GROWLS
Please.
Tell me, Cecilia, what is that?
My son.
LAUGHTER
Your son or your daughter?
My son. How do you know?
I know my business.
Johnny, would you do me a favour, please? No. Please.
Do you remember... I have very bad memory.
Why? I don't know.
What is your telephone number? 343.
343. Yes? Good.
Call, please.
Yeah?
Nice. You?
It's nice voice, nice girl.
Mary? Yes, Senor Wences talking.
How are you? Very well, thank you.
Would you do me a favour, Mary?
Please call to your brother. Yes, please.
Are you tired? No. Are you tired? No.
Are you tired?
PEDRO SNORES
Hello? Oh, at last.
How are you, my friend? Good.
I am working now.
Now, listen to me, please.
Can you bring me now very quick one ice cream.
Two. One. Two. One.
Two.
One or two? Two.
Two ice creams. Three.
Three?
PEDRO GRUNTS
All right, all right, take it easy.
Yes, four, one for everyone.
Don't worry, don't forget.
No? Thank you. Yes.
Would you do me a favour now? Yes.
Can you sing for me the Spanish song? Yes.
Now, ready? Yes.
Now...
JOHNNY SINGS SONG
Very good. Nice.
JOHNNY SINGS
Slowly.
Louder.
JOHNNY SINGS LOUDER
More.
JOHNNY SUSTAINS NOTE
APPLAUSE
Thank you very much, Senor Wences.
# Gonna build a mountain
# From a little hill
# Gonna build a mountain
# I know I will
# Gonna build a mountain
# Gonna build it high
# I don't know how I'm gonna do it
# Only know I'm gonna try
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a mountain
# From a little hill From a little hill
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a mountain
# I know I will I hope I will
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a mountain
# Gonna build it oh so high Gonna build it high
# Don't know how I'm gonna do it I'm gonna, gonna
# Only know I'm gonna try I'm gonna, I'm gonna try
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a heaven
# From a little hell From a little hell
# Gonna build a heaven Gonna build a heaven
# Oh, I know I will
# If I build my mountain Gonna build a mountain
# With a lot of care With a lot of care
# I'll take my dream up the mountain
# And heaven will be waiting there Heaven will be waiting there
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a heaven
# From a little hell, woo! From a little hell
# Gonna build a heaven Gonna build a heaven
# Least I hope I will I hope I will
# If I build my mountain Gonna build a mountain
# With a lot of care With a lot of care
# I'll take my dream up the mountain
# And heaven will be waiting there Heaven will be waiting there
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a mountain
# From a little hill From a little hill
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a mountain
# Be sure I will I hope I will
# If I build my mountain Gonna build a mountain
# Gonna build it so high Gonna build it high
# I don't know how I'm gonna do it
# I only know I'm gonna try I'm gonna try
# I, I, I I, I, I
# Oh, yeah Oh, yeah
# I, I, I I, I, I
# Hey, hey Hey, hey
# I, I, I I, I, I
# I, I I, I, I
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a mountain
# From a little hill From a little hill
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a mountain
# Least I know I will I hope I will
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a mountain
# Gonna build it so high Gonna build it high
# I don't know how I'm gonna do it
# I only know I'm gonna try I'm gonna try
# Gonna build a mountain Gonna build a mountain
# Gonna build a mountain Higher and higher
# Oh, higher and higher Gonna build a mountain
# Higher and higher Higher and higher
# Lower and lower Higher and higher
# Higher and higher Higher and higher
# Yeah, higher and higher Higher and higher
# Oh, higher and higher Higher and higher
# Gonna build a mountain Higher and higher
# Yeah, all right! Higher and higher
# Gonna build it, yeah! Higher and higher
# All right! Higher and higher
# Higher. #
APPLAUSE
# How many tears do you cry
# If love should break your heart in two?
# How many tears will I cry
# Now that I know I'm losing you?
# I can't stop wanting you
# And no matter what you do
# You're still a part of me
# Even though I'm losing you
# Oh
# How many years will go by
# Before my heart begins to mend?
# Waiting and wondering why
# I never thought our love could end
# I try forgetting you
# But you're still here on my mind
# It would take a miracle
# But someday maybe I'll find
# That I'm in the loving arms of someone
# That I'll know Know he's the someone
# Who'll kiss all the heartache
# Away
# And come that day
# I won't mind losing you
# Oh, oh
# Yes, I try forgetting you
# But you're still here on my mind
# It would take, yes, a miracle
# But someday maybe I'll find
# Yeah
# I'm in I'm in the loving arms of someone
# That I'll know Know he's the someone
# Who'll kiss all the heartache
# Away, yeah
# And when he comes to me that day
# I won't mind losing you
# Oh, oh
# I won't mind losing you
# I won't mind
# Oh, no
# Losing you. #
APPLAUSE
Thank you very much.
That was a sane song by Tom, pretty sane one.
Actually, it's a bit sad, because the words are pretty appropriate,
because losing you is just about what it is,
since it's the last show. And I think it's a great shame, actually,
I've had a thoroughly good time.
And as everyone says, really, I'd like to thank Johnny Pearson,
in particular, for his patience with me - and all me foot stamping!
And Stanley Dorfman and all the gents in the orchestra.
And the ladies - Madeline, Maggie and Lesley,
and Barbara, who was on some of them.
If I've left anyone out, I'm very, very sorry. Yeah, me!
Thanks to everybody. Left you out!
Who are you?
It's me mum, actually, I think.
Anyway, thank you very much indeed.
And in the words of this next song, it won't be too long.
Bye-bye for now. Ciao.
Clap your hands!
# Baby, here I am
# A-by the railroad track
# Oh, waitin' for my baby
# He's comin' back, woo!
# Comin' back to me
# On 5.03, yeah
# It won't be long
# No, no, it won't be long
# I ain't had no lovin'
# Since you know when
# There ain't a thing worth mentioning
# Been goin' on
# Yeah, that's why I know
# When the whistle blows, yeah
# It won't be long... #